Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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