Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night

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(631): View more from New York

she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

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(224): View more from Illinois

It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.

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(660): View more from Missouri

The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment

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(205): View more from Alabama

This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

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(205): View more from Alabama

Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.

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