i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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