talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
