I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
