You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
