My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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