haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
