Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
