I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
