chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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