I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
