I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
