I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
