me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
