Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
