I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
