hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
