Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
