Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
