someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
