I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
