worst night to have a conscience
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
