Umm I'm too high to move.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
