Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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