You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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