hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
