what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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