The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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