It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
