nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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