please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
