I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
