FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
