I'm really into asian looking animals
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
