dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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