Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
