Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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