Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
