I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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