just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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