Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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