I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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