now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
