I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
