dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
