piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
