just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
