THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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