this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
