My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
