chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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