i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize