turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
