I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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