she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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