Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
