dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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