All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize