I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
