I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
