I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
