You can't special order awesome
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
