I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
