That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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