I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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