Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
