ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
