sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
