Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
