There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
