You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
