I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
