Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize