Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
