She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
