bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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