The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
