every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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