Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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