Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
